The Most Insane Movie Sequels

The Most Insane Movie Sequels

If Hamlet 2 sounds like an improbable idea for a sequel, Scott Macaulay looks at some other infamous sequels from Hollywood, where anything good is worth doing it again till you beat it to death.

In Hamlet 2, drama teacher Dana Marschz, played by Steve Coogan, tries to save his high school's financially imperiled drama program by staging an original student production: a sequel to Shakespeare's classic, Hamlet. Undeterred by the fact that all of the main characters die at the end of Shakespeare's play, Marschz creates a totally insane theatrical extravaganza, complete with Vegas-style stage effects and a moon-walking "sexy Jesus."

In creating his Hamlet 2, Marschz is motivated by grandiosity, sincere affection for his students and, certainly, a whiff of madness. But when it comes to greenlighting their own sequels, movie producers are often compelled by something far baser: the lure of filthy lucre. Sometimes this avarice leads to great films — The Godfather: Part II, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Aliens, for example. But sequel producing has also lead to plenty of clunkers — inexplicable films that betray more than a trace of Marschz-ian madness. In coming up with the below list of movie's most insane sequels, we left off obvious duds — Teen Wolf Too and Weekend at Bernie's 2 — in favor of titles in which craziness and ego collide to make films that can't just be explained by a desire to cash in.

The sequel to <i>Chinatown</i>, <i>The Two Jakes</i>

1. The Two Jakes

Chinatown, directed by Roman Polanski, scripted by Robert Towne and starring Jack Nicholson, is one of the undisputed classics of the 1970s, a piercing tale of corruption and romance set against the political backdrop of California's water system. After the film's success, Towne stated that it was to be part of a trilogy, with each film to take place at 11-year intervals. Part two, in which older and wiser private investigator Jake Gittes (Nicholson) teams up with another detective named Jake (played by Harvey Keitel) in a convoluted story dealing with corruption in California's oil industry, was long planned by producer Robert Evans but consistently delayed. And strangely, for a film that took 16 years to gestate, the finished movie feels simply thrown together. Evans wrote in his autobiography that he considered the script "half-finished" when production began, and critics and audiences, who missed the taut construction and menacing atmosphere of Polanski's classic, agreed. Plans for a third film dealing with corruption in the construction of L.A.'s freeway system were placed on hold. But of course, if you like your noir muddy, chaotic, and a bit kooky, Two Jakes could be better than one.

<i>Wild Orchid</i>

2. Wild Orchid

In Wild Orchid, erotic impresario Zalman King airlifted the Mickey Rourke character from Adrian Lyne's 9 1/2 Weeks to Rio, pairing him not with the previous film's Kim Basinger but instead with his real-life girlfriend, model Carré Otis. Critics razzed the film while stories that Rourke and Otis's on-screen coupling was for real kept the picture in the news. But if the first one borders on camp, Wild Orchid completely crosses over. Between King's tacky erotic moves, Carré's limited thespian reach, Rourke's budding inexplicable face work, and the terrifying possibility of watching real, not simulated, sex, one hardly knows where to look. Perhaps one could look forward to a "9 1/2 Weeks" marathon. In addition to the 1989 original, and the 1990 Wild Orchid, there is also the 1992 Wild Orchid 2: Blue Movie Blue the 1997 Another 9 1/2 Weeks, the 1998 prequel The First 9 1/2 Weeks, all of which add up to — surprise, surprise — about 9 1/2 hours.

 

A still from <i>Book of Shadows</i>

Book of Shadows

3. The Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

The Blair Witch Project was the indie film surprise story of the 1990s, a cultural and box-office phenomenon made by a group of unknowns that used a mock-documentary style and a shaky camcorder to genuinely terrifying effect. For its sequel, distributor Artisan hired a great documentarian, Joe Berlinger, whose own films — the Paradise Lost docs — were themselves scary tales of teen madness. Part of the problem with this sequel, however, was that the original was a surprise hit; its allure was getting to be part of the phenomenon As Salon's Andrew O'Hehir smartly comments about the remake, "it's a movie fighting a battle it can't win, attempting to escape its destiny as an ordinary horror film." Berlinger attempted to defy expectations by not delivering a faux doc, but rather by telling a story that put the whole idea of faux docs into parentheses. But such intellectual buffers left the rabid horror fans yawning. It didn't help that ongoing rancor between Artisan and the original Blair Witch creators added to the unpleasantness. As such, it was no mystery that there would be no Blair Witch 3. But here is a sequel that perhaps now can be viewed as an original film all its own.

4. Never Say Never Again

If lack of quality were the criterion, then the truly horrendous A View to a Kill would be the James Bond picture on this list. But the story behind Never Say Never Again, the only James Bond film proper (we're excluding the comedic Casino Royale) not to be produced by the official franchise's EON Productions, is a better example of ego-fueled sequelitis. Producer and writer Kevin McClory, who had worked on the novel Thunderball with Ian Fleming, battled for years with United Artists to make his own independent Bond picture. He was finally allowed a one-off remake of Thunderball and brought back Sean Connery, who had retired as Bond with Diamonds are Forever. The media delighted in this "Battle of the Bonds," and, in truth, Never Say Never Again is not bad at all, with a great villain (Klaus Maria Brandauer) and villainess (Barbara Carrera). But lacking signature (and copyrighted) elements like the blood-dripped cross-hair opening, John Barry's Bond theme and certain key characters, the film, which did well at the box office, feels like a designer clothing knock off. Indeed it's fascinating to watch as a lesson in branding — it has the right name, but is missing the aura.

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